Get this. My sister has a little boy bunny (no no, this story isn't going where you think it's going: into multiples), and he needed to be neutered. So she has to work a lot and, well, I don't, so it was up to me to take him to the vet. Poor little guy, I had to drop him off for the nut removal. I felt like the Judas of our gender, taking one of my own for such a terrible operation.

Anyway. He comes home still totally doped from the anaesthetic and can barely move. I rest his chin on a cup of water and he spends like hours just lying there drinking once and a while, not moving at all. I feel awful.

Of course it gets worse. The next day the little guy, *its* name is Francis, is hopping around looking healthy and I'm relieved. My sister comes over and says to her little it, How's my little Francis? and pets him on the nose.

My own bunny, Quimby, is completely upset that there's a new bunny in the house and whenever Francis comes anywhere near her she turns her back on him and shakes her ass and fires a buckshot of piss all over his face. She is perturbed and angry and does this mercilessly. The house starts to smell of the pee, and this little de-testicled rabbit now has dried urine on his ears. It's sad is what it is.

Well, eventually I suggest to my sister that we take a look at the area on Francis and make sure everything is a-okay down there. So I pick him up. Well lo and behold if one of his balls isn't totally swollen like a fucking water balloon. Oh gee whiz, that's not supposed to look like that, I say.

We take him to the vet and the upshot of the thing is that there's been a complication and fluid, probably blood, has been trapped around the suture and we're going to have to REDISTRIBUTE the fluid. The vet shows us how to do this redistribution business. So we take the bunny home and by this time he's been to the vet one too many times and he's sitting in a corner shaking like a leaf. He's having a panic attack, the poor little guy. I just about cry. He's got those trembles you get when you can't control the trembles, but you try, and so for a moment the trembles stop but then start back up again, teeth chattering and everything. My sister and I stare at him and worry that we've done a very bad thing.

Well, finally he calms down. My sister goes home. And for the next week I'm supposed to look after the bunny and once every hour I have to massage the bunny's scrotum and REDISTRIBUTE the fluid inside.

So that's what I've been doing for the past week. Massaging a bunny's scrotum.