Fact and Opinion
by Stephan MacLeod

There are 700 chemicals added to cigarettes during production. Here are some of my favorites:

FACT: Ammonia is a poisonous gas used to clean toilets.
OPINION: Wouldn't you want to clean your lungs with a product powerful enough to keep toilets clean?

FACT: Cadmium is a highly toxic metal used in batteries.
OPINION: Everybody loves batteries. Without them, those singing fish would just be for decoration.

FACT: Arsenic is a poison found in ant killers.
OPINION: Arsenic is only poisonous if you put it in someone's food. Blowing it in someone's face is a sign of friendship in Sudbury.

FACT: Formaldehyde is used as an embalming fluid.
OPINION: Formaldehyde helps you leave a handsome corpse, but if you want to jiggle during your funeral, try Jell-O.

FACT: Acetone is found in nail polish remover.
OPINION: Avoid sticking your fingers in a smokers mouth when you are painting your nails.

FACT: In 1957 tobacco farmers made about 16 cents for every dollar consumers spent on cigarettes and the manufacturers made about 19 cents. By 1993, though, the farmers were only getting about 3 cents per dollar spent and the cigarette companies were making 63 cents.
OPINION: Tobacco farmers must have the coolest cows.

FACT: Tobacco companies are cranking out about 5.5 trillion cigarettes a year. That works out to nearly 1000 cigarettes for every man, woman, and child on this planet.
OPINION: Once again the sea otters are left out.

FACT: Tobacco Industry spending on advertising has soared from $361 million in 1970 to $6 billion in 1995.
OPINION: They should actually spend more money on advertising because there are a lot of potential customers who don't know how to read Harpers Magazine.

FACT: Joe Camel is as recognizable to 6 year olds as Mickey Mouse.
OPINION: Who cares? It's not like they drive down to the store and buy a pack of smokes. At most, all 6 year olds can do is point at the TV and piss themselves whenever they see a cartoon.

FACT: In 1995 Tobacco interests gave $4.5 million to political parties and spent $53 million on lobbying to influence political decisions.
OPINION: Sometimes politicians include a free crack whore with purchases made by lobby groups.

FACT: In a 1994 study, only 33% of stores consistently obeyed laws limiting the sale of tobacco to those under 18 who, on average, spend $1.6 billion on tobacco products each year.
OPINION: It sucks to be under 18. It's illegal to buy smokes, you're stuck in high school, and you can't see a movie with nudity in the theaters without a parent present.

 

Stephan MacLeod was born in the VG Hospital in Halifax, Nova Scotia. He moved to Sydeny, Cape Breton in the fifth grade, and currently lives in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island with his mother.